Gone Camping
by Braveheartx3
Summary: The cullens go camping. No, really. When they get there, they have the time of their lives...until Alice finally grows bored and decides to play some pranks. What happens when Emmett gets involved? He declares camp war on their campground! Uh ho. H&V.
1. Camping?

**Okay, literally not even 10 minutes ago I'm sleeping downstairs.**

**Im the only one home, and I'm having this dream....**

**Me & Edward, cuddled together on a pull-out bed inside a camper.**

**Mmm, everythings nice...**

**until Alice grows bored, that is.**

Disclaimer:

Edward: me and you? Cuddled? o-e

Me: I think I was supposed to be Bella.

Edward: Oh, that's better then. Do you own Twilight?

Me: .....way to ruin a moment, Edward. Le sigh, no.

**************************************************************************

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" he asked for the millionth time.

"Edward, I'm fine. Go have fun." I laughed, kissing him again to stop his panick attack. He and his brothers were going "camping" over the weekend and he didn't think I'd be okay by myself.

"I can't do this," he mumbled when his lips were free. "This," he kissed me again, "is torture- leaving this behind for 2 days."

"I know what you mean." I sighed, putting my forehead to his. We were sitting at the Cullen's house, on Edward's bed, just murmuring and well, not really talking if you know what I mean.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more," was my response. He didn't answer, he just tucked his lips under my jaw and made his way towards my temple in kisses.

"Where are you going anyway?" my voice trembled.

"Oregon." he whispered, testing my reaction. I couldn't deny the pain his answer sunk into me. A whole different state. I wouldn't be...close to him. It felt as if he were in Africa, or...Italy. I didn't answer.

"It's only because a carnivore problem there, love. I'll be back on Sunday, I promise to you. No, I swear. Don't be afraid," he hugged me close.

"Edward.."

"Yes?"

"No, nothing. Nevermind, I was just thinking." I chickened out.

"Bella." his tone was disapproving. "Tell me."

"Well," I sighed. "I don't..think I can..cope with..being so far away...from you. I know how it feels."

"Bella, no!" he scolded, crushing me harder against him. "It's not like that Bella, I swear on my heart."

"I know- it just feels that way."  
"Well, I'll tell you what. When I get back, you and I will have this whole house to ourselves for the evening."

This caught my attention. By his hidden smile, I could tell her knew it did too. Me and Edward? Together....alone. No vampires with their amazing hearing..just me and him. My heart fluttered and he kissed me suddenly but romantically.

When I broke gasping for air, he moved to my neck. "I...okay." was all I could manage.

"I thought you said you were gonna be fine?" he teased.

"That was before I knew you were going to Oregon. I heard they have nice campsites. Lots of coyotes." I hinted.

He laughed. "Anything else I should be feared of?" he played along.

"Of course there is, deer...spiders, snakes...mountain lions are big there, too," I clutched him closer.

"Well, that's a good thing, although. I'll make sure they don't eat me. But I wouldn't want any mountain lion in the world if it meant being away from you."

My heart skipped a beat. I briefly considered going with Edward on his camping trip, making it a real one as they went hunting...but it'd probably be too dangerous. Of couse it would. He suddenly froze and I looked at him questioningly. When he unfroze I exhaled.

"What..?"  
"Alice stepped out." he sighed.

"Oh." I murmured. "Why?"  
"I don't know, she's blocking her thoughts from me.." his eyes were a million years away. I waited patiently until he looked his gaze to me again. He smiled, breathtaking.

"Where were we?"

"I don't remember," I laughed, and I put my mouth to his. The good thing about this was, Edward had a polo on. When Edward wore polo's, his abs stuck out beautifully and the fabric clung to his skin with such glorious taste that it was almost hard to keep my eyes away from his chest. He let me climb onto his lap and push him down. His hands stroked my face, and I inhaled. His sweet, icy breath cooled my mouth and I broke free for air. Just a bit. He closed his eyes and smiled. The position we were in was appropiate for the two of us, but in front of an audience it would have been awkward. He kissed me again, and my hands moved to his waist, pulling his polo up and stroking the planes of his chest.

Marvelous, simply marvelous.

There was something different here though. Edward was doing as he pleased, for once, his hands stroking my neck, my face, loose strands of my hair in his fingers and then where the rested around my waist. He let me touch his stomach, knot my fingers in his hair..

Whether this be because we wouldn't see eachother for 2 days, or that Edward lost his train of pushing away and sighing, I didn't care. I'll take it. He finally seemed to realize how long I'd actually been with him- three hours. At 7 we decided to come to his hosue. Which, wasn't very long if it were earlier in the day. Right now, it was almost 10pm.

I was clutching to his arm when he noticed, and he sighed. I did too. "Bella, Charlie will be worried about you, love." his whispered. I sighed.

"I'm 18- he can worry." was my smartmouth response. Edward scoffed.

"Bella, he's your father."

"Well, your 17, kind of, and Carlisle doesn't give you a curfew." I laughed, teasing.

"Hmm, good point. But Carlisle knows I'm not getting into trouble, Charlie doesn't know that your with me."  
"Yes he does, I told him, remember?"

"You told him you were coming to my house. He suspected you'll be with my family, not just me and you alone. I've seen his mind, Bella- and he wonders what goes on."

"Goes on? Between who?" I was confused.

"Us."

"Oh Edward, I think I got a good look a few months ago when he asked me..." I shuddered. He hid a smile. "You knew, of course you did! How could you let me go in my house, deal with my father who wanted to ask me if..me and you were.." I scolded him shaking my head.

"He needed to know. His imagination is very creative."

"Ugh! Edward! _Please_! He knows I'm a virgin, so he just needs to make with that what he wishes. I'm staying a bit longer."

Edward didn't answer. "Did Alice get home yet?" I asked.

"No, not yet." he said softly. He was sulking, I knew it.

"Fine then, if you want me to go home I will," I began, starting to get up off the bed. His cool, firm hands locked around my waist and he pulled me next to him.

"Never," he whispered, kissing me. I laughed against his lips, pleased with myself.

He suddenly froze, and hissed. I pulled back, afraid I did something to upset him.

"Edward, what's wrong? What's the matter?"

"Alice is home."

Just then, the little pixie/demon herself burst through Edward's bedroom door and clapped. "BELLA'S COMING CAMPING WITH US!" she announced, laughing. I blinked, shocked. Edward growled.

"Alice, if you think I'm hunting with Bella anywhere-"  
"No, Edward!" she laughed, singing. "We're _really_ going camping! I found the perfect little campsite and I even bought three campers for us!" I sat there, absorbing this and confused.

"Wait..three?" I murmured.

"La duh, Bella. One for you and Edward, Another for Jasper and I, and the last one for Em and Rose."  
"Alice, you can't be serious. What about Carlisle and Esme?" I asked.

"They're happy hunting in the area. Now, I already packed for you Bella- you are all set! This will be so fun!" she squealed, spun around and screamed for Jasper on her way. I looked at Edward.

"Looks like we're going camping..." I murmured.

"Looks like it." he sighed. "Now I'm going to have to make sure the mountain lions don't eat _you._"

*************

**Review, plz?  
Kthnx.**

**~Taylor**


	2. Cheater

**Thanks to anyone who has read this first chapter and I beg of you to please spread the word about it! Also, if you have any suggestions for funny stuff, just private message me or review them.! **

**DISCLAIMER;**

Braveheartx3- do I own twilight, _now?_

Meyer: No, and you never will. Now untie me!

Braveheartx3: le sigh.

**chapter two: Cheater**

_**Bella's point of view.**_

Okay. Camping, sure! Not a problem. Being chased by a lethal vampire, no biggie. Edward leaving me, yeah okay. I handled all those things before. Sure, I barely made it out alive but thing was I did it. But, I was not prepared and/or could not handle Alice Cullen as she sang ALL the way to Oregon.

"OHHHHHHHH We are camping, yes we are, we are camping, lets go far! Hunting hunting and Bella too, lets go camping we'll take you!" She sang, her bottom placed on Jasper's lap. By her husband's expression, not even he could settle her down.

"Aliceeeee," I groaned. "Stop." I myself was perched on Edward's lap, hugging his arm for something to take my anger out on.

"No, Bella. So help me this is OUR camping trip and we just took you with us so shut your trap!"

"Alice!" Edward growled. Alice fumed.

"Well, I'm serious. She's ruining my fun!" Alice snuggled to Jasper's chest, her puppy-dog face suddenly her deadliest weapon. Jasper glared back at Edward. I sank back into Edward's chest, cringing at his expression.

"Okay, okay," I mumbled. "I'm sorry." Alice immediately perked back up and started humming and swaying as she twirled Jasper's hair around her index finger. Jasper wrapped his arms around her, his eyes taken off Edward and then he smiled as they moved to Alice. She smiled back.

The car we were in, or well, _limo_ was not what I pictured we'd take camping. Alice insisted that our campers were already there ad right now, the image in my mind was some luxury trailer that looked more like a house than anything. Emmett and Rosalie were snuggled together, well Emmett tried to snuggle at least, Rose just kept looking out the window or at the floor.

"Emmett." Edward suddenly said. "Please, do you mind?"  
"Sorry Edward." he snickered.

"What?" I demanded, annoyed for once that I didn't know what they were doing.

"Emmett's thoughts, is all." Edward answered, suddenly tightening his grip around me.

"Oh. What were you thinking, Emmett?"

"Just about Rose." he answered, and at this Rosalie snapped her head toward Emmett.

"What about me?" she asked innocently, moving closer to her hubby.

"Oh I was just thinking what we could do when we're bored on this trip." he suddenly grinned, and Rosalie rolled her eyes. Jasper made a disgusted noise and Alice raised her eyebrows. I, on the other hand, didn't get it.

"Like what?"

Edward shot me a half-crazed look before he leaned in to kiss my neck. I frowned. It seemed he was hiding his face.

"Think Bella...seperate campers, Rose and Em ALONE.." Jasper sighed dramatically. I blushed, wishing I hadn't asked. Rosalie laughed, unashamed.

"Well SOMEONE besides Alice and Jasper need some action in this family." Emmett scoffed. He looked at Edward, "And don't suggest Carlisle and Esme because that is just SO wrong on so many levels," he shuddered. I felt like I was the one who needed to hide my face. Edward growled at Emmett. Alice laughed, amused.

"Let's play a game." she suggested. Oh dear lord. "Em, truth or dare?"

"Truth!" he said as Jasper muttered 'sissy' under his breath. "Fine, dare."

"I dare you to scream out the sun-roof that you're a sparkly little fairy and that's why you 'sparkle'." Alice threw a glance at me when she used the term. Edward laughed.

"Fine.." Emmett muttered, then threw open the sun-roof and screamed it.

"I'M A SPARKLY FAIRY AND THAT'S WHY I SPARKLE, BABY!!!" I heard outside, that and along with a string of profantities. Emmett came down, water dripping off his head.

"What happened?" I frowned, as everyone else cracked up laughing.

"Alice, you little-" he growled. "YOU KNEW A LADY WAS GONNA THROW WATER AT ME?!"

Rose kissed him and he seemed to forget everything for a moment. Suddenly, Edward froze and hissed.

"Bella." I looked up just in time to see Emmett smiling at me. "Truth or dare?"

Oh god. Truth, or dare? Dare, I guess. NO WAIT. I can't do dare he'd make me do something so embarrassing. And in front of Edward...hm, truth maybe? What if it was a personal question? Oh no. Alice hissed.

"Bella, make up your mind already! Your getting me nauseous." She scowled.

"Uhm." I swallowed. "D-dare?"

"Excellent. I dare you to..."

Edward growled, making it difficult to hear when my ear was next to his chest. Emmett grinned. "Kiss Jasper."

Three things happened at once. My mouth popped open, Edward formed a protective cage around me, and Alice swore. No, really. She SWORE- I'd never even heard half the words that came from her. Oh, four things. Jasper just made the room suddenly nervous. I felt like barfing. Emmett laughed, those it was shaky. Nervous.

"-I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL RIP YOUR..." sensored words here and there.."HEAD OFF EMMETT I'M GOING TO..." more... "AND THEN LET'S SEE WHO'S THE STRONGEST YOU..." anddddddd...."YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL."

I cringed, into Edward's chest as he vibrated from the growls erupting. I yelled.

"STOP!!!!" and everyone at once came silent. I glanced around, resting on Emmett. "I made my decision."

Everyone waited anxiously- another wave of nervous and anxiety hit me. "I'll pass."  
"NO! I HAD TO DO ALICE'S DUMB DARE YOU HAVE TO DO MINE." Emmett roared. I turned my head away, because Emmett scared the hell out of me. Edward stroked my hair.

"She said, she passes." Edward glared.

"Wait," I looked up again. "Fine, I'll kiss Jasper.." suddenly I blushed and I knew it was from Jasper himself.

Alice laughed. "I think your right Bella, kiss him." Everyone stared at Alice like she was crazy. She saw a vision, right.

"Jasper, are you ready?"  
"B-Bella, I....don't think..." he murmured, his voice trembling. He was scared, haha! I snickered. Then, hesitantly, I pulled myself forward (Unsuccessfully because Edward had a death grip on my waist) and raised my hand at Jasper.

I blew him a kiss.

"NO WAY!" Emmett protested.

"Well...Emmett you never said HOW she had to kiss him. Just that she had to..." Rosalie admitted, trying not to smile as she realized I planned that. Emmett swore but I ignored him. I knew who my target would be.  
"Alice." I said, and she raised an eyebrow, daring me to challenge her. "Truth or dare?"

She suddenly frowned, and I knew the reason because I was tampering with what I was going to dare her of, or question her. I never settled on an answer.

Alice growled, "Cheater. I......choose.."

**end chapter two (:**

_YAYYYY LET'S ALL CHEER AND SHOUT. (:_

_Here are some other chants Alice sung;_

1. "CAMPING CAMPING IS ALRIGHT, COME ON CULLENS LETS HAVE FUN TONIGHT!"  


_2. "ooooooh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, woh, woh, oh, woh JASPERRRRRRRRRR.....OOOOOH, WOH WOH OHHHHH, EDWARD......OH WOH WOH OH.......ROSALLIEEEEE (ETC, ETC)"_

_3. "B-b-bella, yeah...yeah B-b-b-b-b-ella, ella ella, you smella-ella-ella so gooooood."_

_4. "Yeahhhh I'm singinggggg, and I'm happyyyyy, but Rosalie's sending me dirty lookkkssssss, yeahhhhh, oh Edward.......stop kissing bella it's grossing me outtttt..."_

_5. "Jingle Bells, Bella smells, Rosalie ate a deer, Emmett fell on his butt, and ALICE GOTTA AWAY.....shut up, Edward- i'm passing time."_

Review?  
~Thnx. Taylor


	3. Brown Paper Bags

**Seriously, be nice && send people my storyy? Thanks.**

**Previously on Gone Camping;**

_"Alice." I said, and she raised an eyebrow, daring me to challenge her. "Truth or dare?"_

_She suddenly frowned, and I knew the reason because I was tampering with what I was going to dare her of, or question her. I never settled on an answer._

_Alice growled, "Cheater. I......choose.."_

**CHAPTER THREE: BROWN PAPER BAGS.**

bpov.

"Okay." Alice sighed. "Truth." Suddenly, she beamed and started clapping. I looked confused.

"Hah, Bella you lose! I saw it, I saw it, I saw it," she sang. I scowled, sitting in Edward's lap.

"Fine then, Miss. Demon Pixie," I ignored the evil glare, "Is it true that if Emmett wasn't your brother, and Jasper your husband- that you think Emmett is hott?"

I felt Edward shake with silent laughter, and Alice stuck her tongue out. "No, I don't."

"HEY!" Emmett protested. Alice jumped in her seat.

"My turn my turn my turn!" and then she was silent, her brow wrinkled with worry lines. Or deep concentration. Edward growled. I put my hand on his chest, it vibrated, and looked at him concerned.

"It's for me, Alice, so don't even try to hide it." He glared, placing his hand over mine against his heart.

Alice smiled, an evil/happy smile, and then said, "Edward Cullen. Truth. Or...dare?"

He hesitated, trying to search her mind but coming up short. Alice's grin grew bigger by the second.

He sighed finally, looking at me and saying, "Dare."

Of course. Of course, the thing he had to choose would involve me. Either way, I was truely lost in this mess. And it wasn't even my turn! Please Alice, as my best friend please don't...

"Excellent." she sang. "Tell us the top five five thoughts you have about Bella when she's sleeping." she smiled, clearly signaling she had won.

Edward became very still, and suddenly I blushed. My face was red hot, and I could tell I was trying very hard not to seem curious. Though I really, really..was. Edward growled.

"Why do you want to know that?" he challenged.

"Because, I do. Now, stop stalling!!" she growled. Emmett leaned closer, laughing.

"Top...five." Edward sighed- his voice tense. "The first one is obviously what she is dreaming about."  
"Go on," Alice muttered, not pleased with the response.

"The next is well, if...." he hesitated, for once his eyes looking away from my face. Edward was embarrassed?

"Huh, huh? C'mon, bro!" Emmett teased.

"What..would I do if...she, um, she slept in..a....a-a- Francesina Night Dress." he sighed.

The car shook with laughter. I was in the tense, poor man's lap as Alice slammed her fist lightly against the back seat- Jasper holding Alice's waist so he didn't fall on the ground, Emmett already fitting on the floor and crushing the boy's feet, and Rose was laying across her and Emmett's leather seat.

I hugged Edward's arm, comforting him. As If I even knew what a Francesina Night Dress was. Edward turned to look at me, his eyes warm. I suddenly laughed, and the warm turned into ice. He sighed.

"I'm not laughing at you, Edward. I'm laughing at myself," I explained. He smiled- pleased.

"NEXT ONE!" Alice shouted, and suddenly everyone was the way they were before they were having break downs. Edward groaned.

"The third one is if she's thinking about Jacob."

"No, the third one is a lie." Alice growled. "Edward, tell them the truth now."

"Fine. It's what she's /doing/ with Jacob." he admitted.

"Edward!" I gasped. "What do you mean?"

Emmett, as if to answer for Edward, began thrusting his pelvis. My face was red hott. "No...I- ugh! Edward!! I'd NEVER EVER!" I admitted.

"Next one-" Jasper began but Alice's voice filled the car.

"Look, we are here!" Alice cheered. I felt Edward relax, and the limo came to a stop. Well, of course Alice already leaned across Jasper, flung the door open, and was out before the wheels completely stopped but, nonetheless we really were here. Where did the time go? I climbed off Edward, following Alice out the door before looking around. Wow, it was not how I imagined it.

We were...in a desert. A freaking desert. There was sand everywhere, except where miles out were a cluster of trees on a green colored hill. Why couldn't we camp there? I moaned.

"Bella, the trailers are this way! Come on, come on!" Alice grabbed my hand and was already dragging me god knows how far. I couldn't even see the campers when we got out..

She stopped. I blinked, and then my mouth dropped as I took in the campers in front of me. There were three of them, about two football fields apart, but that's not what caught my interest. It was the camper itself.

Of course. Of course, it looked _expensive. _Edward's cool arms snuck between my arms and he grabbed my waist, pulling me close. I didn't have to turn around to know it was him. He kissed my ear. "Don't worry." he murmured softly.

**( A/N: . -- Edward & Bella's camper. Alice and Jasper's is black, same type. Rose and Emmett's is white. )**

I didn't even notice we were now alone. Alice and Jasper were already racing toward their far camper, and Rose and Emmett were already gone. Edward and I's camper was on the far right end, with Rose's and Emmett's in the middle and Alice and Jasper's on the far left. I sighed as Edward towed me inside.

It wasn't so bad. Just what I expected. It looked better than a motor home, with glass this and 300,000 dollar refridgerators. I was extremely tired suddenly when I opened up the fanciest looking door in the camper and found the king size bed. I flopped down on it, shut my eyes and sighed happily. Well, I'd let Alice have her fun. Besides...I mean, It wasn't so bad yet.

Edward was suddenly next to me. "Tired?" he laughed.

"Mmm," I sighed, rolling over and curling against his chest. "As long as your with me, I'm happy."

He chuckled, but it broke off. "Tomorrow morning we'll be going hunting."

"Why not go tonight?" I murmured, my eyes still closed and my head tucked under his chin. My cheek rested on his chest.

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Edward we are in the middle of no-"  
"Bella, I'm not leaving you alone." he said, firmly.

"Okay." I decided. Better not to argue. "Afraid the coyotes are going to get you?" I teased, tracing a circle on his abs.

"Maybe." he smirked. "But I'm not afraid for myself."

"What _are_ you afraid of, Edward Cullen?" I laughed, pulling myself up and looked at him.

"A bunch of things."

"Tell me, please."

"For one, I'm afraid of losing you. Terrified," he admitted. I nodded, because I shared the same fear.  
"What next? Don't you remember being afraid of anything when you were human?" I asked, curious. He frowned, his eyes at the ceiling.

"I remember being afraid of.." it took him a moment. "Watson Falcon."

"You were afraid of a person? Why?" I frowned.

"I was..perhaps 10 or 11. I don't remember much, obviously. I do remember being pushed around a bit. Nothing serious," he sighed- and his face twisted in nervousness. Or maybe pain.

"..oh. What happened to him?"  
"It was 1916, and I was 15. He decided it was violence that would solve his hate for me, and so that's what we did."

"You fought him!? Like, a fist fight!?" I gasped. He laughed.

"Yes." he snickered.

"Tell me how it went down. Do you remember?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes, this I do..."

_-flashback to 1916 EDWARD POV-_

_"Watson, please do not fight with him. Just leave Edward alone for a moment," a blonde haired boy said to Watson._

_"No! Why, he tries to outrun me! The fool he is, I doubt he can even throw a good knock into myself!" Overweight Watson smirked. _

_I was walking out of the school house, ready to head home when I heard the boys talking. Watson always hated me, for he knew that there was a chance his girl, Joanette Jennison, had preferred me over him. I wasn't interested though, I just wanted to get by in school and start serving my citizens as a soldier.  
"Hey, Masen! I saw you eyeing up Joanette today!" Watson growled as he stalked toward me. I could do nothing but stand there and wait as the idiot prodded fingers at me. It was childish, and I was more mature than he was._

_"I did no such thing." I answered him, bravely. I had to admit though, inside I was terrified._

_"To hell you didn't! She even told me, and therefore everyone knows a girl don't lie to her bo," he spit. I flinched._

_"I'm sorry to say that she is.." I admitted to him. My lunch was in a very thin sack that I clutched in my right hand. It was thin, but I'd been hit with it before by my father. Once, when I was little- and I knew the impact it would make._

_"You piece of dirt! Is that what you are, Masen? A lieing, girl-stealing piece of dirt?"_

_"Perhaps you should open your eyes more often, Falcon."_

_"Why I outta-" he took a step forward to hit me, but the blonde boy behind him grabbed the chunky arms of Watson. "Let me be, now!"_

_To my surprise, the blonde boy let go and I saw my opportunity. I swung the sack at him, the hard apple and canteen wacking him in the face. He spun around, coughing blood. I made a run for it- cowardly, I was, something I'd never do now- but Watson managed to snag my leg. I was thinner, healthier than he, but I still had no advantage. He threw me to the ground and kicked me, it hurt._

_-end flashback-_

Edward ended suddenly, looked at me. I leaned back against his chest and closed my eyes. "What time is it?" I asked.

"11:00am."

"I think I'm going to take a nap...Edward, the trouble-maker." I laughed. He rolled his eyes but hummed my lullaby.

"Sleep well, Bella.." he murmured softly.

"If coyotes come and attack the camper, search for some brown paper bags and start wacking," I teased before sighing and drifting deeper into fantasy-land.

**END CHAPTER THREE; **

**Haha (:  
**

**Okieee.**

**Review, thanks.**

**~Tay**


End file.
